Work

Something I never seem to understand is how people treat their bosses. The first general rule, as I tell
my children, is that people usually only treat you as good as you treat them. Usually. There are, of
course, those who treat you like shit for no good Goddamn reason. But for those people are not
completely narcissistic or suffer from horrible communication skills, they generally will treat you as good
as you treat them.
Imagine….if someone insults you do you want to show him or her your best face? Do you want to
extend them courtesy or patience? No. You may conduct yourself tactfully because you’re a Goddamn
adult but you don’t really want to. You believe you have to. And you’re right.
But imagine your boss for a moment. Maybe he sucks. Maybe she’s a maniacal bitch. Egotistical?
Megalomaniac (is there a difference)? Moody? Unbalanced? Disrespectful? Horrible at people skills?
Anything ringing a bell?
Now….how many times do you think your boss has been asked how his or her day was going? How
many people have expressed a genuine heartfelt interest in how the day is of the boss?
Probably few. And even less genuinely. All I’m saying is say you have an okay boss. Try asking him or
her how he or she is doing. Doing so will help you recognize that the person is human. And also that
the person is not your parent.
We often cast our superiors in a maternal or paternal way. I suspect that it is because it was what we
know. It’s a primal reflex. But it is wrong. If you wish to have a less problematic career, it will happen
the day you realize that you need to be an adult at work, even if you can’t manage it elsewhere in your
life.
Your manager/supervisor is human. And the better you express interest in their well-being as well as
your own (symbiosis people…this shit is 10th grade biology here), the better things will get.
I see 47-year-old fellow coworkers running off to the supervisor to complain about something that they don’t like. They are tattling. No need to glam it up. It happens. It’s ridiculous because as we tell older
children who run in the library, “You’re old enough to know better.”
For instance, I work in a library. If I see something that is adverse to the public or their safety, or if it will
potentially shorten my lifespan than I bring it to my supervisor’s attention.
Do I sometimes have to ramp up my current mood to appear positive in front of her? Yes. But this is a
person I want to like me, trust me and help me grow in my career. It’s professional duty to not always
be a sourface.
Is it ass-kissing? No. Don’t you have co-workers that you ask the same questions of? How are you?
What’d you do over the weekend?
What I’m saying is that sometimes you need to extend the olive branch and be a little less pissy and
“what-about-me????” and a little more interested in others.

2-Being who they need you to be.

What?  You want me to (gasp) serve others?  Yes.  You're at work. Getting paid.  Get over yourself.  Yes, I expect you to help others.  Yes, I expect you to be an adult at work and give a rat's ass (at least) about what your co-workers and superiors need you to be.  They aren't there to be your platform only. They aren't there to play out the role of  co-worker or manager is your one-person drama.  Some of them, I think if you look hard enough you should be able to find some, are good people.  Be good back.

Be good to the mean people too.  Wicked people hate genuine acts of selflessness.  Just like the Wicked Witch of the West and a bucket of water, your action of good will will positively make them evaporate into a pool of steam.

We're not talking your personal life here where you have a right to be accepted as you are (as well as you're responsibility to respect other's in your personal life as they are).  This is your work life where you are not only supposed to watch for yourself but for your co-workers and your management.

Yes, it is strenuous at first, but worth the investment when the people you help regard you in a kind light.  

We have to sometimes help out the job class "under" us at work.  We are able to do their job and if they are short-staffed we are expected to help out.  Those who can, should.  I have co-workers in my job class that say, "Well, I think it is just damned dandy how when they are short-staffed we are expected to not only continue to do our job but also do theirs. But when we're short-staffed they can't help us."

True story.

No shit they can't help us.  Although, are jobs not being brain surgery, I have no doubt that everyone in that "lower" class could actually perform our job and do well, if not succeed at it.

But when the "under" class sees us help, guess what?  They've got our back too.  They may not be able to do, if only by rules of business operation, our job but they will do whatever they can to help us out when we most need it.  You scratch their backs, they scratch your's.  And if they don't, that's okay.  It doesn't remove the burden of responsibility from you that requires you to act with your best behavior at work.

But is that seriously what it is about?  I value my co-workers and I know which ones work hard and which ones don't.  I also know that the ones that don't work hard make it worse for the ones who do.  I see the ripple effects of my action or inaction.

3-When sizing up new people (or at least "new to me" people) at work I always let their interactions with me count for at least 75% of my opinion.  I have had trusted confidants at work warn against someone or tell me about their bad experiences with another co-worker.  I don't dismiss what they're saying.  But neither do I allow it to gain too much of a foothold in my impression or feelings of the third party.

It could all very well be true.  And I will certainly always keep it in mind.  I will always know that there might be this crazy-edge to that supervisor or back-stabbing tendency of a co-worker.  I'll probably watch what I do or say until I can tell they are trustworthy.

But I won't apply 2nd grade playground rules to my work environment.  If my ally at work things you're a raving bitch, I'll still be genuinely kind to you.

I'm not playing anybody's fool.  I got it.  They can flip on a dime at any time.  I know that. All I'm saying is....I don't rule out the possibility that maybe my ally and this person simply don't click.  I don't rule out the possibility that my ally was being the crazy one (if they're an ally of mine, most likely they're a bit crazy).

So what happens when you are friendly to a wicked person?  Read #2 above.  They hate it.  They turn into a puddle of steam.

And if you're friendly to a normal person?  They are friendly back.  There is a lifehack somewhere that states that when people act happy to see your, you eventually will act happy back.  What this tells me is that when you are happy to see someone, they respond in like.  It's true.  I can think instantly of a couple of co-workers who always seem tickled to see me. They won me over.  If nothing else, I have their backs.

So people generally respond in kind.  If someone insults you, you don't want to be mature back.  You may respond in a mature fashion, but not because you actually want to.  Most likely it's because you're an adult and you kinda have to.  However, when someone is kind to you, unless you're completely narcissistic or anti-social, you are compelled to treat them respectfully and kindly as well.

4-On being a sunny person.  I mentioned in #1 about being cheerful at work.  Mostly because it is the professional thing to do.  I've gotten heat before because I was looking on the bright side.  It was annoying I suppose.  Well....here's the thing.  I've been depressed.  So depressed.  And I've noticed that if I leave the door cracked a bit and pessimism starts to creep in, in no time it has a foothold.  Once it has a foothold, I still might be in okay spirits but it will continue to grow.  Multiply.  Until I'm depressed.  Really depressed. Like, stuck in quicksand depressed.

I've done it both ways now....when life was getting to me or just during a normal day.  I can look at things negatively or positively.  I've done both and looking on the bright side (although it requires effort and you run the risk of pissing people off) is far more pleasant and rewarding.

Some might argue that looking on the bright side isn't realistic.  Well, neither is looking on the negative side. Whatever your mindset is, you live through.  I'd rather be wrong about something but err on the side of the better situation then put myself through the village of the damned with my poor attitude and outlook before there is reason to.