Communication for Thinking People

If you are an analyzer/thinker/philosopher the world is chock full of insight.

The problem is, given enough time and left to our own devices (i.e. uninterrupted) we are able to see:

a) how everything is related

b) every possible motive for someone’s actions, positive or negative

c) WAY TOO damn much into a situation

I pick up on people’s moods and body language very quickly.  I notice subtle shifts.  So I think I can also explain the “why” for these shifts.  And 80% of the time I’m right.  Okay, fine:  70% of the time.

But there are costs to be considered:

* Over-analyzing increases anxiety tremendously.  Personally, I never feel comfortable if I’m over-analyzing a situation. It is not a peaceful state.  (Pondering is another story.)

* Stuck in this other mental world of alternate universes temporarily keeps you out of the present moment.  The present moment, incidentally, is where life is actually happening

*People don’t want to know about it.  Don’t share.  Unless they absolutely beg for it.  And even then: Edit, edit, edit.  Especially if it is about them.  Even if you put it tactfully and make it as non-personal as possible, in the most constructive, gentle way, friends and family are famously, fabulously unreceptive to any sort of insight you might have into their behavior.

To further complicate matters,  if you are a sensitive person the impact of all this sensory input can lead you to falsely believe that if it feels this strongly it must be true. Wrong.

Just because you interpreted a message or someone's actions a certain way doesn’t mean that was what was communicated.

The absolute truth of the matter is whether you over-analyze or not, you can’t trust your senses to give you the whole truth.  You and I simply don’t know why people say/act/react the way they do.  We might pick up on accurate clues once in awhile (70%....I swear!) but we don’t have the full picture.

I’m not saying to throw out your perceptions, feelings and thoughts.  Hell, no.  Never.

But perhaps an understanding is needed.  We can be aware that everyone views life events and others communications/actions through our own filters.  When I was studying for my Communications degree I was taught that everyone has their own frame of reference and it includes their personal past history, past communications with you specifically and other factors such as environment (where the communication takes place), body language & nonverbal communication, among other things.

I’m always saying that if you want your message to be received as intended, the responsibility lies primarily on you.

It also holds true that if you want to make sure that the message you’re receiving from another is just as accurate, you must take just as much responsibility.  If you simply don’t have the time or energy to do this, or it's just not practical, there’s a simple answer: Don’t. But also, for your own sake, don’t jump to conclusions either.

Even if you have a 70% success rate.