Make Your Own Rules

So I feel I must have clean, flat surfaces in my home.  Instead, they are cluttered.  I crave mopped floors and clean toilets (who doesn’t?).  But, alas, they are quite unclean at times. 

I used to say that my home is my haven and if it is in chaos, so am I.  While I still believe that to be a partial part of the issue, it does not encompass the whole. 

I dared ask myself today, “Why?  Why do I need an uncluttered house?  Why do I feel that it must be magazine picture perfect?”  I knew perfection was impossible.  Yet, perfection sometimes equals protection.  You are protected from another’s painful criticisms if you are perfect.  They’ll never find anything wrong with you!  But we can’t do it.  Can’t keep up.  We get so close and think we’ve done it. 

And I realized, in answering those questions, that I was living by another’s standards.  Actually, quite a few others.  I didn’t want these people to talk.  I didn’t want to hear back, through the grapevine, something rude they said.  Something they criticized that you thought you were doing rather well. 

Some people do it just so they can inflict pain.  They say or gossip so much and know that if they say something it will eventually get back to you.  It is a passive-aggressive stabbing.  But an intentional one all the same.

This seems dreary so far, I know.  But here is where I’m trying to get at: What is best for you?  I happen to function at a chaotic level okay, especially if my clutter is creatively-based in my hobbies.  So what if they don’t like it?

I mean, I’m not the first to say it but some people will always find something to criticize of you.  It’s true and I’m not going to lie and say that they don’t intend harm.  It’s vicious, it’s some predator-prey type of instinct.  They seek a kill because of a hunger of their own. 

So you can’t control them.  It’s going to happen at some point.  It shouldn’t.  But it will.  Let it go, even if you have to pry it finger by finger off of you.  Acceptance will heal you.

And here’s why: You start living by your standards.  And then say someone says something mean and unwarranted, and well, just cruel.  You’ve accepted, consciously (very important that you remind yourself of this often so that you can get it stored in your long-term brain) that others will do this.  Yes, humans are wont to harm each other. It isn’t going to stop for you and chances are, yes, you’ve harmed others too.  You’d like to think it wasn’t intended but, well, you know.  So really, this is just what happens.  A process bigger than ourselves.  That’s okay.  Because if you can see the logic in this then you can accept it. 

And then a magical thing happens.  Someone says something mean again. And you say, “Aww, yes, humans are wont to harm to each other,” and let it go.  And it will take practice and I am by no means a pro at this.