Self-Acceptance

Sometimes you must accept that certain people will not accept you no matter what you do.  This is hard when, like me, your deepest desire in social situations is just to get along and have a good experience.  I have recently restarted working at my previous employer, a physical therapy office where I was an Office Manager.  I have returned as an Office Assistant.  The current Office Manager is someone with whom I had initially had vibes that we would not meet on common ground.  It was an awkward situation for both of us.  When I left three years ago, she obtained my position.  Now she has to leave for personal reasons for a limited time period.  I will only be working for a temporary time to cover her absence. 

Knowing that this would be slightly awkward, I reflexively resolved to be both warm and humble.  I wasn’t trying to step on anyone’s toes, especially her’s.  I just wanted to come in, do my job, and if possible, enjoy myself.  That is how it was before, when I first worked there.

But it wasn’t to be.  Despite numerous attempts to lighten the mood or be friendly, with special caution taken to not be over-friendly or too chatty, she remained standoffish.  I wasn’t sure what to make of it.  In fact, she seemed to only want to find things that were wrong.  Out of 10 things I was being trained on, I would, naturally, not pick up on approximately two of the tasks right away.  Those 8 things done right were never acknowledged.  There was never a “You did this right, but you missed this other thing on two items.”  It was always, “this is wrong.  You need to do x, y, and z.”

So, that’s okay.  I can be corrected.  I don’t mind it.  But I couldn’t help but notice I was secretly wishing I could just please her.  I don’t believe myself to be a people pleaser in particular, but I must have the tendency because, honestly, I just wanted a simple “atta girl” or at least a mention of what I did right, as in, “These are okay.”  That was never brought up.

So I must assume one of two things, if not both.  First, she may be a bad communicator.  She may also not know how to train someone.  Instead of taking each and every error I made as a self-reflection of some sort of incompetence, it might be a reflection of her as a teacher or trainer. 

You cannot always assume, especially in relationships, that the difficulties lie within your control or are caused by you.  This is another case where it isn’t all about you.  It’s hard because you’re leading this story of your life.  You’re the main character in it.  You experience life through your senses and you learn through the feedback of those senses.  How can we not be self-involved?  But just as one person in a relationship feels this way about their life and ultimately their interactions, so does the other one.

You are taught as a Communications student that one of the key ways to insure good communication is to check your perception of what the Communicator is saying.  So, that is to say, you would repeat back to the “talker” what you believe them to be saying.  Essentially, you paraphrase and start your sentence with something like, “So, just to make sure I’ve got this right, you’re saying________________.” And then make sure your perceptions are right.  Now, this wouldn’t be such a key principle if there wasn’t a high likelihood or occurrence of communication error. 

I say all this to prove a point: we are often wrong in our perceptions of what others are thinking or saying.  And this is especially true when it comes to what we think they are thinking or saying about us. 

Now, it isn’t always appropriate or professional to address a personal issue with everyone.  In my case, I worked with this particular person for a short period of time and it was not relevant to my job performance what her personal opinion was of me.  Did it unsettle me that it felt, on every level, that she found me incompetent?  Oh yes.  Especially because I pride myself on a job well done.  It is a core value for me.  Almost a defining principle for me and how I see myself.

So that all said, there is something else that must be realized.  As I said above, you must accept that you won’t always be accepted.  And the kicker is….it has nothing to do with you. Not one bit.  It is all about the other person.  Just like when you don’t like someone, it isn’t something “wrong” with them.  It’s something you can’t tolerate in general. 

But think of it this way, even if you are perfect, someone, somewhere (because of their own issues) will not accept you.  They won’t like you.  It’s not fair, but it is predictable.  You could be God Incarnate, just as Jesus was, and look how the world received Him!  The only perfect person to have walked this earth and look how the world treated Him!  This world is not always a place of love, acceptance, and all good things.  The world is a school and some lessons are served up in a not-so-kind way.  I don’t know why.  I didn’t set the school of Life up, I have only observed it closely.

So, it is even so much more important to be yourself and be what you need to be to be happy and forget the rest of the world.  Surely, you must take into account your loved ones but that is where it shall end.  Because no matter if you’re more predictable and reliable or more spunky and daring, not everyone will accept you. 

You must be the self that makes you happy.  And, you know, forget the rest.  There are plenty of people who love you for you, don’t let the negative vibes from some random person affect you.