The Dangerous Art of Mind Reading

Why this compulsion to quickly think the worst of yourself before others get the chance to?  We assume that we can read minds and thus, come up with the worst thought about ourselves that we can conjure .  We let other’s perceived thoughts and opinions about us become our reaction to ourselves.  What a waste this is when we’re wrong.  What a bigger waste if we are right.

I think it’s akin to hurting ourselves before the world can, just in case (as we are willing to bet) it most likely will do to us.  This reminds me of someone who self-harms.  They cut themselves to feel that pain before another can cut from the outside.  To exert some control in an otherwise hurtful situation.  It’s like saying, “I already know this error of mine and furthermore, I’ve already called myself that very name that you must be thinking, so thanks but keep your insult to yourself.”

And, after our painful self-harming, our attempt to control the pain, we become numb from the shock. Therefore whatever someone else hurls at us negatively we are ready-we are numb.  And there won’t be any startled responses or surprises to the painful stimuli, both of which cause uncomfortable sensations to the body and mind-richocheting around in an adrenalin-ridled ride.  Because we expected it.  Surprise, shock, or being startled are mostly unpleasant experiences.  And those emotions plus any additional pain are mostly something we would want to avoid or protect ourselves from. Yet, our very methods of coping with outside pain by beating the world to the punch inflict pain as well.

There is another way.  Instead of numbing ourselves, we can try comforting. 

I am learning to love myself.  I know I used to when I was younger.  I was my most favorite playmate.  When did that change?  It changed when I let some ninny with their opinion (real or otherwise) override my opinion of myself.  I mean, deep down I love myself.  I would not want to be anyone else.

Remember this moment in time, thinking back to the real you and remember the feeling of love for yourself.  You remember her.  This girl you liked to spend time with.  She was a good friend.  A comforting friend.  And you liked yourself.  All you needed to be happy was yourself.  It all came natural.

Now years have etched insecurity into my brain.  Maybe into your brain too. To remember that we must get to the heart of the matter, under the pain and frustration.  What’s the main thing that is scaring you?  You are-I am, too magnificent to deal with this situation.  I will stop playing mind games with myself and beating myself up.  My worth is not depending on how someone treats or regards me, negative or positive.

You are enough.  Go have a free life.  Keep busy in a happy way.  Don’t wait.  Please don’t wait.  Make yourself more of a gift to the world.

For starters, don’t talk bad about yourself.  This is a deeply ingrained habit and when attempting to change it you will falter.  Don’t assume that is evidence of your shortcomings.  It’s normal and human.  Practice correcting one negative thought a day.  You don’t have to catch every bad thought.  I have the resolution to not insult myself, but it is taking me awhile to reach that goal.  But at least I am working towards it.

Second, it’s important to look in the mirror and really see the person staring back at you.  That’s you.  What are your gifts?  What are your passions?  Don’t worry if you don’t immediately know the answers.  That means that you are in for an adventure.  You get to try out different things in search of what rings your bell.

Third, during life you will, as you know, encounter some bumps in the road. How much more it is important to be your own ally.  The strength inside will amaze you but only if you tend to the treasure within.  Don’t worry about becoming selfish or too self-absorbed.  Although that fear comes from a good place—it isn’t likely to happen.  Instead, self-awareness and self-nurturing will lead to a joyful wholeness in which you are better able to give from.

Your job now is to get to know yourself.  Find out what makes you joyful or ignites your passion or makes your heart glow.  Personally, I love art and books.  These things bring me such joy.  For you it may be taking long walks, listening to uplifting music, or helping others.  But, whatever it is, consider this your fact-finding mission.  For fun, on a daily basis, keep track of what makes you joyful or ignites your soul, in a notebook or journal.

Once you are armed with this information you can consciously give to yourself. This is how you love yourself.  This is how you care for yourself.  Because once you have a good relationship with you, then the real living starts!  Life starts to matter more and you can honestly say you are doing what you were born to do—live fully.