The Middle Way

There is a middle way. A place where you are no longer constantly bouncing between two
extremes. On one end of the spectrum you have an aspect of reality you are not okay with
keeping the same. There is something you'd like to change or improve upon. If you are not
employed, you are hoping for a job. If you are employed but in a bad position, you are
wanting a better job. There is something you want to improve upon.
Striving, by some schools of thought (not many of them Western cultures), is negative.
When we are striving, we are usually not grateful for what we have. Gratitude is key to
happiness. Alternately, being satisfied is largely a state of mind and striving and
satisfaction generally live on two different coasts of the country.
But striving is also a key to happiness. Having something to grow towards or a goal keeps
us excited and engaged in life. We have a brighter future. We feel more alive, happier,
more loving.
However, it is also true that anything done to excessivity leads to general distress. We
must strive and then we must stop and appreciate.
Maybe, with enough practice we will be able to embody both the striving and the
appreciation of the now in one sitting. But in the beginning, it's OK to alternate.
Rowing your canoe across the lake you alternate sides you stroke on. Why? Because it
keeps you going straight and you can steer the direction better. Same is true of life. So if
you have to row, row, row your boat (left, right, left, right, etc.) in the beginning to strive
and then to appreciate the now and then strive some more and then appreciate....well,
that's okay.
Some very organized and efficient individuals have daily practices that support the seperate
rowing of striving and appreciating. Some visualize success on a daily basis by meditating, visualizing, affirming, etc. Those are striving practices.
And then at night they may have a journal writing habit of recounting how the day was
good to them. They appreciate the now.
And that is all well and good and I suggest it to anyone it appeals to. But I have found that
I am less structured. I wish I was more structured. But I fail miserably at consistency.
But what I am very good at is This Dance.
This Dance is when something pops into my mind that distresses me. How am I going to
pay bills? Soon the extra money is going to run out and we are going back to a barebones
budget. So bare that we might go hungry. Not REALLY hungry, but hungry. Small
pleasures such as going to the bookstore or buying coffee out will be no more. I can really
get myself wrapped up in this story. After all, the more you think about something the
more you end up thinking of it. It grows, if only mentally and emotionally.
So, instead, I get this fear and I start to watch it play a movie of doom in my brain. It's
awful. And I'm totally into it. It's got my full attention.
And I only know this is happening because my rising anxiety makes me uncomfortable. I
hate the antsy, oh-shit-I'm-slipping energy of it all. And as it gains momentum I become aware of it. And now (finally, now!) I say, "Uh, you're flipping out Jen." And I slowly pull myself back.
No, that's a lie. The faster the better. I yank myself back.
Listen, while it's true that doom may occur, it's also true (and more likely) that it won't. So
while you're mentally living out what's it's going to be like when you're living with no
electricity, internet and cell phones and disconnected from all life (or so it seems), starving,
afraid, and lonely, it's more likely that this isn't what's going to happen.
Knowing this you can move forward towards embracing a more realistic outlook. Maybe
even a positive one.
I start to think about what could happen in a positive way. I think about the irons that are
already in the fire, so to speak. The options and actions I've taken and what could develop.
The things I'd like to see happen. Realistic and hopeful at the same time. Expecting the
best.
See, I can count on my fears to keep me cautious and wise. But left to their own devices
they will rule my world. My anxieties will run rampant and when nothing ever seems to
improve or takes too long to improve, I grow depressed and hopeless.
I let my fears keep me aware and alert but I don't let them run the show anymore.
When imaginging the positive future it is important to not grow attached to the outcome.
State your preferences, by all means. But don't become attached to it happening your way.
Don't make only what you can imagine be the singular map to your happiness or
satisfaction. Truth: Imaginations are vast. Bigger Truth: Possibilities are endless and more
plentiful than you can imagine.
So you don't want to white knuckle it. Don't be desperate. Even if you feel that in you
have every reason to be frantic, don't be.
So much good comes when we would like it to happen, maybe we'd even love it, but we don't need it. Do you get what I'm saying here? We can take it or leave it.
Nonchalance. Cool. Calm. Collected. Assured that no matter what comes, you will make
the best of it and that is the true work of one's life. That you can alter your destiny but only
after you release it and trust yourself to be able to function and thrive in any conditions
(you may get knocked down but you trust that you will rise, eventually).
When you are there, in this mental place where you have dreams, you make actions
towards them but you aren't placing your whole happiness on their achievement, then you
can find a way to strive and appreciate.