Coping

I was apologizing for being a chatterbox and telling my husband that as much as I would like to promise him that I would change, the fact of the matter is, I won't.  Because, I reasoned, I've been doing this talking thing for a long time.

Before I could talk, I'm told that I prattled on about who-knows-what to my babyself while I played on the floor with blocks or sat in my crib staring out the window.  It's what I do.  In fact, I used to sing to myself.

This got me to thinking, how good must my brain chemistry been when I was a baby? I mean, I'd have to be pretty much in a "I just hit the lottery" state now to get me to sing to myself.  And it's not like my situation was unique.  Lots of babies coo and sing. 

It would seem then, that we're mostly born pretty happy.  For a nation under the influence of anti-depressants, we all started out pretty darn content.  Many of us are under the assumption that we are victims of bad brain chemistry.  Our levels are off.  But why? 

I've been told it's genetic.  I was bound to be a more anxious person prone to depression due to my heritage of nervous folk.  Yet, I marvel at the early home videos of me (circa late 70s when sound wasn't an option).  I giggle at the drop of a hat.  I giggle so hard that you don't need sound to hear me.  It's all over my face.  Pure joy.  Easily. 

Although there are exceptions to the rule, most anxious or depressed people started out with brain chemistry that was just peachy.  A-okay.  So what went wrong?

I might not be a psychologist or doctor, but I have read and experienced quite a bit in this arena and all signs seem to point to stress as the culprit.  An inability to deal with stress in a constructive manner will eventually leave you depleted and anxious.  (Read that again.)   

It can still be understood as a brain chemistry problem but we know enough now to understand that brain chemistry is influenced by our thoughts.  What we think changes what chemicals are being produced.  Enough stressful thoughts coupled with zero coping skills and you end up overloaded and burnt out. 

The crappy part is that not too many of us born before 2000 had good models for coping skills.  It just wasn't taught.  Speaking on behalf of my generation (Generation X) I can say that we were shown all the ways to NOT treat stress: Overeating, alcohol & drug abuse, burying negative emotions, gambling, and workaholism. 

Stress reduction started trending in the 90s for the most part.  I always felt that I had contained all the stress I could, i.e. eliminated what could be eliminated and dealt with the rest.  But it wasn't until I realized that stress reduction was only half the equation when I found the secret of coping and soothing skills.  That is the other piece that sometimes goes unnoticed. 

I think it is fair to say that with our current reality, everyone is need of coping skills for stress. 

What can you learn to cope?  A Google search will render a million ideas from counting to ten and deep breathing to long, hot soaks in a bathtub.  I think the key, though, is first being aware.  Notice when you are starting to tense up and ask yourself why. 

In chronic pain management workshops they tell you that your body reacts to the thoughts you are having.  If you can notice when you tense up or have a visceral negative reaction, it can flag you to the fact that you're having a negative thought or reaction.

We are lucky, I believe, because we now have a plethora of stress relief options.  Massages, aromatherapy, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Yoga, meditation, etc. 

But the thing with stress relief options is that they treat the  body/mind/soul after the stress has already attacked.  What if you could avoid the damage in the first place?

It might seem an impossible dream but a little practice goes a long way.  If the goal of stress reduction is to reduce the instances of when stress strikes, the goal of coping skills is to find a way to minimize stress's damage when it does strike.

By becoming mindful to your negative reactions you will be able to pinpoint the cause.  The stress management section at Helpguide.org instructs that the ways to cope with stress are by changing the situation or by changing your reaction to it. 

Specifically, you change the situation by avoiding it if it is unnecessary or altering it in some way.  Changing your reaction to it can be done when by accepting or adapting to the stressor.

Each situation is unique, but following the above guidelines is helpful in most cases. 

I don't know about you, but the more I cope well with the negative, the more cheerful I get, naturally.